Fathers Matter. The importance of fathers to their children has become more and more evident in the last few decades. Yet sadly more children than ever before are living without their fathers.

UNICEF recently proclaimed that absent fathers is the single biggest social issue of our times. There are many reasons for the epidemic of fatherlessness we see in the world today but one of them is the lack of emphasis society has placed on the importance of fathers. It has been assumed in popular culture that moms are essential and dads are a “nice to have” whose primary function is to pay the bills.

Historically courts have granted custody to moms almost automatically and dads only in exceptional circumstances; moms have been given time off after the birth of their child and dads have not.

Fortunately this is changing and many countries around the world have started legislating paternity leave.  Research has made it very clear that dads matter a whole lot more than we previously thought.  The link between absent fathers and every social pathology in adolescence and by extension adults is absolute and undeniable. One social commentator remarked that the damage to humanity caused by the epidemic of unfathered men and women is greater than the damage caused by war and disease combined.  The evidence is overwhelming; children need their dads!

Building Foundations

The earlier in his child’s life a dad gets involved in developing a strong and close bond the better.  The first few days and weeks after birth offer an outstanding opportunity for a father to connect with his child; an opportunity that will never be repeated in quite the same way. The brand new and initially terrifying world a child has to adjust to after the comfort and safety of the womb is one which must include a dad. Wired into the subconscious neurological pathways of his child will be the sense of a father as a strong and engaged presence.  At no stage in a child’s life should their father be a distant and disengaged figure.  The pattern of deep engagement between father and child must be established immediately.

The word baby strikes fear into the hearts of many men.  Words like smelly, messy, noisy and fragile spring to mind. There is no fun stuff like fishing, ball throwing and watching movies together, just cleaning, feeding and pacifying.  Yet getting involved in these seemingly one-sided “baby chores” is a crucial part of connecting and bonding.  Early involvement by the father builds the foundation for a rich and empowering relationship between father and child throughout their childhood years.  As in all things in life building a solid foundation is crucial to everything that comes later.

As men we need to get over the damaging stereotypes (and our own fears) that real men don’t get involved in things like nappy changing and bathing our babies.

Nurturing has long been considered the domain of the mom and yet it is not their responsibility alone. Dads can and should be active nurturers right from the beginning. There are few things in the world as comforting and empowering to a child than the active nurture of their father. Something deeply spiritual is imparted to a child when a father’s strength is expressed in gentleness and grace.

Frederick Douglass said “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken adults”.

An indispensable part of building strong children is for their fathers to get deeply involved in their lives right from the beginning and stay involved! It’s not enough for a father just to live in the same household as his children, he needs to be emotionally engaged and actively involved in every aspect of his child’s life. The father of modern psychology, Sigmond Freud, said that he can think of no greater need in childhood than the protection of a father.

Everyone Wins

Ultimately the greatest beneficiary of present and engaged fathers (apart from the children themselves) is society. It is in everyone’s interest for society to do everything possible to make being an involved father easy. Granting paternity leave is an excellent way to validate the importance of fathers and get the father child relationship off to a great start. Society needs to communicate the message clearly that fathers matter. What better way than giving fathers permission and freedom to spend the first few weeks of their child’s life in uninterrupted time with them.