As a father you are the most important man in your children’s lives. Dads are their son’s first hero and their daughter’s first romance. It’s an inspiring and deeply fulfilling position to be in but it’s also challenging!

Let’s be honest being a great dad is not easy. And kids don’t come with a manual. One author put it well when he said he used to have six theories about how to be a good father, now he has six kids and no theories. After 25 years of being a dad, years of working with men and having written two books on fatherhood there are two simple words for me that capture the essence of being a great father. Let me explain.

When my daughter Blythe was just seven years old, we decided as a family to move from Johannesburg (an inland city) to Knysna (a coastal town). My wife and two children, Luke and Blythe, made the move two weeks ahead of me as I had some business to finish off in Joburg. One week into this two-week period I was on the phone to Blythe and I said to her, “isn’t it wonderful living by the sea!?” Her answer was totally unexpected. She said, “if this was my life I would scream”. Shocked and worried I immediately asked her, “why my precious?”.

She answered simply, “because you’re not here daddy”.

I was floored. Her reply brought tears to my eyes and opened them to the two magic words that are the foundation of great fatherhood:

BE THERE.

That’s all. Be there. Be present, be engaged. Be there for the big moments and the small ones, the milestone events and the day-to-day happenings. There is no substitute for a father’s presence in his children’s lives. It is far, far more important than his presents.

There are many things that rob children of their father’s presence.

The pursuit of wealth at the expense of quality time with family. A distracted mind. Being there but not there. Constantly engaging with devices, social media, digital addiction. Every father needs to be conscious, intentional and uncompromising about carving out quality time with his children. Being there means being engaged. Connecting. Listening. Hearing. Responding. Paying attention. Delighting in them. Showing by your time and attention that your child is more important to you than who wins the soccer or rugby match on Saturday afternoon. Author Spuds Crawford issued this profound challenge:

“If something is truly important to you, then you should prove it. You say you would lay your life down for someone, but will you give them the busiest five minutes of your day, if they need it?”

It is a tough but sobering truth that you can tell quickly and clearly what a man values most by what he spends his time doing.

Show your children how much you value them by giving them time. Quality time happens when you are busy spending quantity time. There is absolutely no substitute for in the moment, fully present time with your children. Hang out with them, create memories, do different things, go on outings and adventures with them. We impart the most important principles to our children while spending quality time with them, fully engaged with their hearts and minds. Trying to cram quality time into small gaps in a busy schedule seldom, if ever, works. Take your children on dates, together and individually. Ask them what they want to do with you and make time to do exactly that. Take your daughter on a “dad date”. Dress up, open the door for her, treat her like a princess, give her your undivided attention. Tell your son you are going to spend Saturday afternoon with him doing what he wants to do. Have a ball together. No cell phones – just you and him bonding, connecting and having fun.

The true currency of your investment in your children’s lives is measured in time, not money.

And the reward is priceless. The greater the bond you form with them in their early years the greater will be your impact and influence in their lives as they grow older. And although your job as their father is to launch them into life as independent adults the relationship you will have with them as they grow older will remain rich and deep because of what you sowed into their lives by being there in their younger years.

At the end of your life you will never regret spending a little less time at the office but you will deeply regret not spending more time with your children. What you do with your time is the clearest illustration of what you truly value. Illustrate to your children and to the world that you value them.

If you want to learn exactly how to give your kids what they need to grow into happy, well-balanced adults and build lifelong father-child bonds with them, check out my self-paced ‘Ultimate Dad’ online masterclass. You can see a preview by clicking here: