Dads on holiday can be a scary thing.

Physiotherapists and chiropractors have a field day trying to repair muscles and tendons expected to leap into action after 49 weeks of cubicle dwelling. Somehow us men develop a gap between what we think our bodies can do and what they actually can do. And year end holiday “fun” is often when this gap is cruelly exposed.

Yet apart from the odd male misadventure holidays present the perfect opportunity to connect and bond with our children. Weeks of “blank slate” time are absolutely invaluable in the context of the crazy busy world we live in. It is a time to love, laugh, connect, recharge and create great memories. But great holidays don’t just happen by default, they require intention, planning and a bit of fatherly wisdom.

Here are some useful tips:

Make a list.

Time off has a habit of flying by without managing to do any of the things you looked forward to. Come up with a list of priority activities you would like to do and schedule them in. That way they will happen and you won’t feel as though the time has been wasted.

Mix it up.

Trying to make everyone happy at the same time can be impossible. Every family member has different ideas about what constitutes fun time. The war museum you want to peruse may be a nightmare for your 16 year old daughter. The skate park your 12 year old son wants to spend time at may seem like slow torture to your wife. The key is to find out what each family member loves doing and let them each have an opportunity to do “their” thing whether with the family or on their own.

Be considerate.

Don’t force your energy or lack thereof on the rest of the family. The father who bounds out of bed at 6 in the morning and wants to drag his family up a mountain for a pre-breakfast hike does little to promote harmonious holiday happiness. (I know, I’m that dad!). Let each family member set their own pace.

Spend time together.

Quality time happens when you are busy spending quantity time. Some of the best bonding moments happen spontaneously when you are busy just hanging out and doing stuff. They cannot be planned. One of the mistakes we make in the business of our lives is to think we can squash quality time into small bite sized chunks. Holidays are an opportunity to spend large swathes of uninterrupted time with no agenda other than being together.

Detox. Digitally.

Paradoxically in this world of technological connectedness we are more disconnected than ever. One of the greatest enemies of family bonding is social media. It’s not uncommon to see all members of a family occupying the same space but totally disconnected because they are lost in their cell phones. These small devices have become one of our greatest vices. We lose invaluable hours of connecting deeply with the people we are with by over communicating with people we are not with. Have some rules about this. Set boundaries. Make sure you have device free family times.

Be present.

We live very distracted lives. There is always something competing for our attention; either internally in our own thoughts or externally demanding action. One of the most important skills we need to learn is to switch off. Close out the internal chatter, shut off the external demands and simply be in the moment. Your children need you to be present. To connect with you.  To be seen by you. They need this more than anything else. It may sound corny but your presence is of far greater value than your presents.

Create memories.

One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is a rich bank of childhood memories. Holidays are a great opportunity to make liberal deposits into their memory account and that’s why it’s important to be intentional about what you do in your time away. Do things that you will never forget. Fun things, adventurous things, different things; things you will talk about for a long time. In years to come you want many conversations to start with the words “hey dad remember that time when we ……”

Do the alphabet challenge.

Find activities which start with each letter of the alphabet. A could be abseiling or apple eating, B could be biking or bat and balls and so on. Work your way through the whole alphabet as a family. Take photos of each activity as a record of a great holiday together.

As fathers we have a window of opportunity to build a deep relationship with our children and this window slowly closes as they grow up. Young children tend to want to hang out with their parents, older children want to be with their friends. It is so important to take advantage of the years they still regard you as their hero and want to spend time with you.

This is your opportunity to forge a bond that will last a lifetime. And the greater the bond you form in these younger years, the richer your relationship and greater your influence will be as they get older. Remember that how you spend your time is the clearest indicator of what you value. Spend your holiday showing your family just how much you value them.